Overcoming my demons

So long story short, I’ve struggled with my weight for pretty much my whole adult life. I was a chubby pre-teen, but then when puberty hit I got tall and (fairly) skinny. A size 10, and could even squeeze into size 8 Glassons pants!!

When I reached 16/17 I found drinking (and boys) and was carefree, partying, wagging school etc, I probably put some weight on but I never noticed because my friends were all similar body types, and we just never really talked about it. Weight and body shape just weren’t on our radar at all. Plus the boys were still giving me plenty of attention, so why should I care.

My grandparents (yes, my maternal grandparents) suggested I do Weight Watchers when I was 18 and had just finished Chef school. I still didn’t really notice my weight, was confident as ever, and never gave it a thought. But since they suggested it I figured that meant I needed to lose weight, and since they were paying for it, why the hell wouldn’t I?

From memory I lost about 10kg before I lost interest. Partying and being a young adult were far more important that monitoring the food I was putting into my mouth!

I signed up to WW again a few years later with a couple of friends. We would weigh in at lunchtime, and then go down the road to McDonald’s to celebrate – I don’t need to tell you what a waste of time that journey was!!!

Things went crazy for a few years – shitty relationships, changed to a job that had me partying more than ever, was flatting (so more partying) and smoking more weed than I care to admit (plus a few other bits an pieces). Things really turned to shit with my then boyfriend, and everything got nasty. So I ran away. Yep, packed my car and jumped on a ferry to Christchurch to live with my sister.

Still didn’t care about my weight really. Knew it was an issue, but was still drinking and smoking to much to care. On a few earlier trips to Christchurch I had met a guy called Ben and we had hooked up. Well, soon after moving down we became ‘official’ and moved in together soon after.

We got engaged after just a few months, and not long after I was up the duff.

Fast forward 18 months and we were back in Wellington, with a gorgeous baby girl. And I was HEAVY.

So I turned to my old friend – WW. I weighed in at 109 point something at that first weigh in, but this time I stuck at it. In just over 2 years I lost 30kg! Once we decided to start trying for baby number 2 though, I relaxed again, and quickly gained 8kg. Followed by 30 something kg while pregnant with our boy.

October 2014. I now have 2 gorgeous kids, but I’m heavier than ever. Try a few different plans and manage to lose nearly 30kg again.

Enter: The Blur

Now I don’t know how, why, or what, but it is now July 2017, and I *think* I am around 94kg. So 11kg up from my lowest after baby #2.

My relationship with food is terrible. I am the WORST emotional eater. One small arguement or letdown, and I am off to the dairy to get doritos and lollies. Happy times call for McDonalds or Icecream.

I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.

Cue my friend Rhi. She has put me on to a lady by the name of Georgie Beames. And she is going to teach me to empower myself and change my relationships with food, and with myself.

I hope.

It isn’t a diet, and food plans/exercise are not mentioned. This is about my brain, my emotions, and my actions.

Watch this space – it all kicks off in 4 days….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s